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10 Reasons to be Okay with Being Disliked

10 Reasons to be Okay with Being Disliked:

by Lori Deschene
“If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” ~Unknown
We all know at least one hardcore people-pleaser. You know the signs: She sleeps out in the rain and gets sick so her friend’s dog can fit in the tent. She’s 100% Republican but pretends she’s Democrat solely because her friends are.
If a friend calls her stupid, she whips up a batch of cookies and makes a card that reads, “I’m sorry for disappointing you.” And despite all her efforts to be liked by everyone, many people disrespect her.
Maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not—but odds are, you can relate at least a little to the desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected, and appreciated?
For most of my life, my need to be liked overshadowed all my other needs. I was always trying to manipulate perception, adapting myself to receive validation. It was draining and counterproductive, since very few people actually knew me—the real me—which is a prerequisite to liking me.
I’ve since learned it’s actually a good sign if there are some people who don’t accept or agree with me.
I’m not suggesting we should be rude, inconsiderate, or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding other people’s feelings.
This is about releasing our stress about other people’s opinions.
When you’re comfortable not being liked by everyone:

1. It allows you to be true to yourself.

The biggest disservice you can do yourself is shapeshifting to please your “audience” of the moment. It’s exhausting (even to watch) and, more importantly, pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you feeling empty.

2. It gives you the power to say no.

I believe people are good at heart. Still, it’s human nature to test each other’s boundaries. When you’re willing to risk being disliked, you’re able to say no when you need to. Your yeses and nos shapes your future, so choose them wisely.

3. You’re more comfortable exploring your feelings.

Doesn’t it feel good to just be where you are without pretending for someone else’s sake? I’m not saying you should act in anger or fear, just that it’s pretty exhilarating to say, “Hell yeah—I’m terrified” (or lonely or weak or struggling) regardless of what people will think.

4. Your candor can help other people.

An angst-filled younger me made a fake voodoo doll for a middle school teacher who was hard on me, but forever changed my life (not my proudest moment). It’s often the least popular people who strike the deepest chord in us. Be unpopular when necessary and push people to be their best. You just may save someone’s life.

5. You can freely express your thoughts.

One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listen without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won’t always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway. Let your words be kind but fearless.

6. It prepares you for greater success.

Pick a popular Twitter user and look at their @replies. Odds are they field their fair share of harsh comments. The higher you rise, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with the added scrutiny.

7. It teaches you to offer kindness and compassion without expectations.

It’s not difficult to offer compassion to someone who treats you with respect and kindness. What’s more valuable for your personal development, and to humanity as whole, is the ability to do what’s right because it’s right—not because you get something in return.

8. You can inspire other people.

There is someone I know who has the uncanny ability to keep going even when others try to pull her down. I learn from her every day. To this woman, anyone who doesn’t appreciate her assertive, over-the-top personality is a reminder that she is unique and unafraid.

9. You can use your time wisely.

If you want to be liked by everyone, odds are you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. We need to use our time judiciously to enrich ourselves and others, instead of worrying about everyone’s perceptions.

10. You can choose to smile anyway.

You could use your energy to make daily inventories of everything that’s wrong—the money you don’t have, the esteem you didn’t earn, the people you disappointed. Or you could commit to being your best, and then just sit back and smile. Life will always be a balancing act. Learn to teeter in serenity.

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Photo by Dave Bin M. *This is a post I wrote for my first blog in 2009 but never shared here before.
My friend Harriet Cabelly, the Rebuild Your Life Coach, is running an interview and giveaway for my Tiny Wisdom eBook series. Leave a comment on the interview for a chance to win a free copy of the set!

7 Important Questions to Ask Yourself Today

7 Important Questions to Ask Yourself Today:

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tim McAuley
“What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown
During the first week of July 2012, a storm left my little town and nearly one million other people in the Mid-Atlantic Region without electricity. The outage lasted eight days for Buffalo, Ohio, and we saw triple digits (F) each day.
I spent much of my free time in a hammock practicing my watching skills. I watched as I breathed in. I watched as I breathed out.
I watched thoughts pop up out of nowhere as I watched the leaves of two young oak trees dance in the hot, humid July breeze.
I think that week here in Ohio was as impactful as the 10-day Thich Nhat Hanh Retreat I experienced in October 2011.
It’s amazing to me the amount of perspective one can gain in such a short period of time. 
The day the electricity was restored I decided to limit myself to just a few minutes on the Internet, which turned into an hour. I then returned to my hammock to watch my breath and my thoughts.
I wanted to make sure I understood the lessons of that week, and most of all I wanted to take with me the peace of mind I had rediscovered.
So, there I was—under those two trees listening to birds chirp in the absence of gas generators and watching my thoughts.
I brought with me a pen, a legal pad, and a few questions I thought would be helpful to answer before I plugged back in and continued to do what I do.

Question 1: What Brings Meaning to Your Experience?

As I asked this question to my “self,” I started to realize that my focus has been all over the place.
I have a long list of goals. I spent most of my life goofing off, and never thought I could do much of anything. Since I realized that I can do whatever I decide, setting and achieving goals has been fun for me.
After spending enough time asking this question, I realized that I have three major goals and a list of desired outcomes based on me reaching those goals.
This realization has narrowed my focus a great deal.
What brings meaning to your experience?

Question 2: How Do You Spend/Invest/Leverage Your Time?

Now that I have an idea of what is meaningful to me, it’s easy to look at my daily habits and see where it is I am being mindful of my use of time.
I love me some Facebook, but is it really helping me develop my primary goal—being calm, peaceful, and loving—or is it falsely fulfilling my “need” to feel connected?
I quickly realized I am better off by scheduling social network time as I do appointments. It’s actually been more effective in connecting with people.
This question is proving to be very valuable to me daily, and has morphed into “Is this the best use of your time and energy?”

Question 3: How Do You Feel?

A lot of my research lately has been focused on the limbic system. I’ve been studying stress hormones and breathing techniques that will bring the system (mind/body) back to a state of calm being.
I ask this question each morning and the answer greatly determines how the rest of my day goes.
My primary goal in life is to be calm, kind, and loving. All of the other goals I have listed are things I’d like to do or things/experiences I’d like to have. If I’m feeling a little anxiety when I wake up, my best course of action is to get myself relaxed and calm.
Make sure you ask this question before any coffee. This leads to the next question.

Question 4: What If You Die Tomorrow?

This question actually morphs into a few more.
If you die tomorrow do they know you loved them?
If you die tomorrow are all your apologies said?
If you die tomorrow do you take any forgiveness with you?
If you die tomorrow did you do something today that was meaningful?
Many things in my life are meaningful to me.
On my last day on this planet I hope to wake up and write, eat a variety of fruits, nuts, and oats for breakfast, take a nap, hug 20 people, paddle on my standup paddle board, catch a wave or a wake, tell some people I love them, make love, and enjoy a nice cup of tea.
What if you die tomorrow?

Question 5: How Can You Brighten Somebody’s Experience Today?

Hugs are proven to produce a sense of well-being in both people. Smiles are contagious. Sometimes a kind word from a stranger makes the difference in a person’s day.
It’s so easy to allow our attention to spin out. Most of us are overstimulated, overcommitted, and overly concerned with getting more stuff.
A lot of people have their eyes fixated on the tiny screen of their smartphones. They answer texts and update Facebook while they are in the company of loved ones.  The world passes them by as they scroll through so called newsfeeds.
I rarely take my phone out of my house. I know that the ease of access will have me staring into the abyss trying to fulfill that sense of connection while missing the chance to connect in person.
Whose day can you brighten today?

Question 6: What Choices Can You Make Differently?

My brain is programmed to recognize every stupid thing I do, and I still do some pretty stupid things. I recognize them, and do my best to change my behaviors. Some habits seemingly take longer to adjust.
The main reason I haven’t shaved my head and gone to devote myself to mindful meditation at some Thich Nhat Hanh Monastery is that I really think I gain more from the challenge of living a regular guy’s life mindfully.
I think sometimes conflict brings resolution. I’ve learned more about myself through dealing with people I don’t particularly like than I have from my time on the yoga mat or the meditation pillow.
I recognize myself in all that I see. So, I ask myself this question so that I am able to see more and more beauty each day.
What choices can you make differently today?

Question 7: What Can You Give Today?

I spend very little of time trading hours for dollars. I’ve reduced my expenses and lifestyle to afford me the time to work on me, and to write.
As my marketing of books and services takes hold I’ll have more money to give; but for now I have so much more than money can buy.
I have an able body and some helping hands. I have two ears to listen, two arms to embrace, and a mind full of useful information.
I have an endless supply of encouragement when I see people on a mission, and an infinite supply of love when I spend the time to clear.
I have a great smile, which I sometimes forget to show. I’m witty, goofy, and geeky enough to give the gift of laughter.
I really have all that I need in life and so much more.
What can you give today? And what important questions would you add to the mix?
Note: Tim has offered to give away 5 autographed copies of his book It’s All About Me: A Soul Surfer’s Guide to Happiness. Leave a comment on the post for a chance to win! You can enter until midnight on Friday, August 31st. (You can access the PDF version for free on Tim’s site here.)
Photo by Gane

Make Your Life a Mission Not an Intermission

Make Your Life a Mission Not an Intermission:

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sheena Jeffers
“Make your life a mission, not an intermission.” ~Arnold H. Glasgow
My eyes fluttered open. I could see the sunshine pouring through my rose-colored curtains. For a few golden seconds, there was quiet, there was peace. Then I remembered, “You have an audition today. Two hours away from where you live!”
I spun around so quickly that I made myself into a human burrito stuck in my blankets. I grabbed my cell phone. Wow—I had woken up, naturally, two hours before I even had to leave for my audition.
I wrestled with my blanket, and when I finally released myself from its all- encompassing grip, I thought, “Ha! First battle of the day won.”
Grabbing my iPod, I picked the perfect song and started my morning stretches.
This audition was my chance to start a new life—a dancing life, one where I was full-time living my dream. It was my chance to be accepted in a Masters program studying dance education.
Here’s the thing though—let’s flash forward a few months.
–
“You are done. Thank you,” I said to group number 10 out of 20 Broadway hopefuls, coming to audition for a local production.
I released them from the studio, their faces full of worry. I looked down at the list of auditionees, waiting for the next group to arrive, and tapped my pen in a quick, anxiety-ridden way.
This was a part-time gig for me—auditioning young dancers, teaching them proper technique.
I loved being able to work with children and pass dance education along, but having to keep my passion of teaching as a “part-time gig” always felt like rubbing sandpaper on sunburn for me.
I constantly battled this lingering feeling that I wasn’t taking what I felt to be my calling very seriously.
I stood up to walk across the room, and I just couldn’t anymore. With my back against the wall, I slid down, hands covering my face, tears rolling down my cheeks. How did I get there?
Growing up in the dance world, I knew all about intermissions in theater (or “interval” as they are called in British English). It is a recess—the part between the grandiose, beautiful performance parts.
As a dancer, it was my time to breathe, re-group, and prepare for the next big moment.
But somewhere between living the grandiose, beautiful performance parts of my life, I got stuck in intermission mode—curtain closed, dark, quiet, no one watching or caring, alone.
I was overwhelmed with the feeling that my life had fallen off track, and I couldn’t figure out when the curtain would be raised, and I would, once again, feel the warmth of the lights on my skin.
As I sat there on the floor broken, lost and yearning, I heard voices of young dancers approaching. I heard their whispers of hope, their prayers of concerns, and their giggles of nervousness. I pushed the tears from my face, took a deep breath, stood up and smiled.
“Welcome. Come on in, stand in line; make sure I can see your numbers.”
I had to carry on, but now I knew that I had something else I needed to do: Make my life a mission, not an intermission.
–
And so I began. I made a number of choices, including:

Understanding who I was and who I wasn’t

I started forcing myself to be aware of my decisions, my priorities, my likes and dislikes. I painstakingly went through memories of hurtful relationships to determine what it was that hurt me, irritated me, crushed me.
I jotted down notes when something made me feel happy, joyful, and free. Slowly, I started to learn about myself.

Coming to terms with my past

I forgave myself for times I felt I could’ve done better, or shouldn’t have said something. I let myself off of the hook when it came to things I did or didn’t do to lose someone or something. I forgave. I accepted. I changed my point of view.

Tuning out negative voices

I stopped listening to people who told me, “You can’t do that” or “You’re only mediocre. There are so many better than you.” I stopped listening to the doubt within myself, and I stopped giving the mountains I knew I’d have to climb so much darn credit. They’re just mountains.

Giving up my idea of what my life should look like

I had created some crazy life plan that looked nothing like me! I thought I was supposed to get a desk job, secure health insurance and a retirement plan. I thought I was supposed to be clocking in and out, and living off of coffee.
I was forcing myself to live in a life that wasn’t right for me. I gave up that life plan and drafted one that fits who I am and what I want.

Stopping the comparison game

For years, I looked at my successful co-workers lives and tried to model my life after theirs. I thought, “Hey, they got a raise; I should probably emulate their lives.” But when I did, and when I got the raise, I still wasn’t happy.
I resigned myself to the day-in and day-out of a job that simply didn’t have my heart, and I felt myself growing bitter. Then, one day, I stopped looking at other people’s choices and assuming I’d get the same results.
Nobody lives the same life or timetable, and nobody has the exact same results. I finally realized I wasn’t going to allow myself to stay in a job that I didn’t love.

Letting go of my stubbornness

I thought I was in control. Turns out, I’m really only halfway in control. As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “Destiny is a relationship—a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence.”
I finally realized that my ability to relax was directly proportionate to my ability to trust life. Once I started trusting, I could breathe again.

Facing my anger and anxieties

If something made me nervous, I forced myself to face it. If something scared me, I learned about it. Anxiety causes our body physical reactions, which end up making us tired and groggy.
Nobody can take on the world feeling like they’re carrying around weights. Get rid of it. Figure out the source and then, give it up, let them go. Know yourself so well, that if the anxiety tries to come back (which it will) you know how to be stronger.

Giving up bad people

They may not be “bad” people, but they were bad for me, or it may have been a bad time. I walked away from them. Now, I only hold those in my life who will lift me up to new levels—those who will tell me the truth, who will help me grow and learn from mistakes and successes.
Bad people can be corrosive. You may not even realize it until you are left feeling empty and weak, but once you know it, walk away. Find the good, and stay there.
–
Four years, later, and here I am listening to my favorite music, sunshine pouring into my room, preparing for my audition. I finally know who I am and what I want.
I turned in my two weeks’ notice to my office (a day job that stressed me out, but paid the bills while I was self-discovering), and I bought a notebook, which is now full of new life plans.
I have a clear vision of where I’m going and how to get there. It all starts today— with this audition.
Today, I transform my life to follow my mission. At last, the curtain is rising. The intermission is over. Please find your seats, the show is about to begin.
I once ran across a magnet in a book store that read: “Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
The truth is, it has taken me years and a lot of energy sorting through feelings. I was lost, confused, and lonely but it took all of that for me to finally realize who I am and what I deserve.
When we step back, when we grant ourselves time to learn, when we finally take the first steps to change our life’s direction, we possess the power to create our dream world, which transforms our life’s mission.
Photo by eka shoniya

Does a Second Marriage Mean a Bigger, Better Ring?

Does a Second Marriage Mean a Bigger, Better Ring?:

Avril Lavigne definitely got an upgrade on the engagement ring front when her Nickelback boyfriend popped the question. See how other stars' second rings stacked up inside.

Dating in the office: low key

Dating in the office: low key: If you are dating a co-worker, one key thing to do is keep it low-key and quiet. Don?t tell people you are dating. There is always the chance you can break up, and you don?t want to go through the aftermath that will bring, if everyone is watching and talking about it and taking sides. It?s best not to tell anyone you are dating until you are really serious about each other, and make the decision to take things public.

Once you do that, people will start to second-guess the way you work together professionally. That?s part of why it?s important that you work in separate departments, with far separate spheres of influence.

Solve Conflicts in Relationships

Solve Conflicts in Relationships:
Solve Conflicts by taking the LEAD

Conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing. In fact, conflicts in relationships can be constructive when used as a vehicle for improving communication. The following four steps can help you use conflict as a tool for gaining clarity, creating deeper understanding and strengthening relationships.

When you are in the midst of conflict, take the LEAD to manage it respectfully and calmly.

Listen to what is being said. Many times, conflict arises from a simple lack of understanding or miscommunication. Avoid making assumptions about what you hear. Instead, ask for clarification. For example, “I heard you say X, is that what you meant?”

Explorethe feelings that come up – Sometimes conflict escalates because something about the situation is an emotional trigger for us. If you’re feeling upset by the conversation, try to determine where the feeling is coming from. Take several deep breaths and try to remember that what is happening now is completely separate from the past. You can manage conflict more effectively if you deal only with the matter at hand. When you start introducing memories and past sleights it will be tough to get past the history of bad feelings to work toward a positive outcome.

Affirm theother person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree to understand the other point of view. Simply acknowledging and validating someone’s feelings can be a powerful tool for resolving conflict positively. At the end of the day, most people just want to be heard.

Decide on a fair course of action. Now that you have a clear idea of what the problem is and where the person is coming from, it is time to explore some solutions. Throw out some ideas that you can vet together. Choose the soundest option that you can agree on. Plan to revisit your decision within a specified period of time to see how you are doing and what changes, if any, need to be made.

For more Relationship tips, visit http://Relationship.lifetips.com

Can a relationship survive infidelity?: Fix It or End It Today

Tuesday, August 28: Fix It or End It Today:
Can a relationship survive infidelity? Meet two couples who say infidelity has pushed them to the brink of breaking up and must now choose: stay together or end it for good! First, Candace says her boyfriend, Bryan, is a habitual cheater but she keeps taking him back for the sake of their 4-month-old child. She says Bryan has even flown across the country to meet up with another woman, and when she confronted him with a photograph to prove his philandering, he simply created a more elaborate lie. Bryan admits that he enjoys flirting and that he has been unfaithful, but claims that Candace has cheated too. Can their relationship be salvaged? Then, Amanda says she’s caught her husband, Dusty, emailing a woman on an adult social networking site, kissing a friend’s ex-wife and exchanging provocative text messages with yet another woman. Dusty admits he “hasn’t been perfect,” and accuses Amanda of being overbearing and blowing his “flirtations” out of proportion. Don't miss Dr. Phil's shocking advice for the couple. Plus, both couples engage in an exercise that will decide their collective fate. Tune in to see who stays together and who calls it quits!

Google Alert - Relationship Advise

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Specific Dating And Relationship Advice : How can ... 46 sec Specific Dating And Relationship Advice : How can I help my girlfriend or boyfriend deal with ... popscreen.com

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Good Relationship Advice!!!! - YouTube 3 min Get DEEPER WID ME!!! Click my link to learn more!!! https://www. empowernetwork.com/igastonllc/ youtube.com

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